jordular's Xanga

lebanon pix...

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 15:07:42 GMT

found here: http://gallery.me.com/jordular

Ella Fitzgerald: live at Montreux 1969

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 03:18:26 GMT

just finished watching this concert and am continually blown away by Ella's musicality and soul.
kids, hannah montana?? really?
click on these links...
Sunshine of Your Love
another amazing cover. i would have paid a ridiculous amount of money to see this concert. netflix it.
Hey Jude
okay, last one. since the last two weren't exactly "jazzy" here's one that's undeniable. absolutely amazing. watch it to the end; it's worth it!
One Note Samba

well, slither me timbers!

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 22:19:02 GMT

Yesterday I caught a 2 ½ foot snake with my bare hands. I know, dumb. REAL dumb. Needless to say, this is quite uncharacteristic of me as I have a strong aversion to most animals (unless they're slathered with barbecue sauce and served on a platter--in which case I'll get obscenely intimate with any species of the animal kingdom—nummy, nummy). Honestly, if you asked me to pick up an earthworm or pet a dog, I'd look for the closest stick to poke at it with. But for a split second, like Whoopi Goldberg in GHOST, I channeled Steve Irwin's spirit and remembered that grabbing the snake's tail should keep it from biting me. (What I failed to recall was that Steve Irwin met his demise by getting a little too up-close and personal with nature). What was particularly unwise was that I didn't think of what to do with the angry serpent once I had it writhing in my hand. After slowly coming to the conclusion that hurling it into the neighbor's yard like an Olympic hammer-tosser or spinning it over my head like a lasso to make it dizzy, were just more bad ideas, I was finally able to trap it in an empty garbage can. VICTORY!! I was proud of my minor triumph over nature and decided to keep it as a pet; sustaining its life with repulsed love and chicken nuggets.

But then, after a few hours of showing my party guests my latest (and only) reptilian conquest, just as I was about to have business cards printed that exalted: "Jordi -- the Dragonslayer", I looked into the Rubbermaid Snake Pit and to my utmost disbelief it was empty! EMPTY!?!? My slithering nemesis escaped!! How? I have no idea. I'm still baffled!! I have a vague suspicion that the toad I almost stepped on the other day used some elaborate stick and stone lever system to somehow reenact an episode of Fox's PRISON BREAK in my backyard. I wouldn't be surprised if I find it on my pillow when I get home tonight waiting to exact its revenge.

Bring it on, you forked-tongue scoundrel! Daddy's got some barbecue sauce and in need of a new belt!! ..... Or maybe I'll just look for the closest stick and use it to dial Animal Control.

BEIGE-ing OLYMPICS

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 18:19:01 GMT

Okay, I wasn't gonna blog about the Olympics cuz everyone's got a patriotic boner over it all and I'm still getting flack for not thinking that God himself put the reel of Batman: the Dark Knight onto theater projectors nationwide. (sorry!! maybe I need to see it again, but the first time I fell asleep. and I'm not blaming the 3 beers that was in me. I'm just not).

Back to the XXIX Olympiad.

Please just hand Phelps the rest of the Gold Medals. In fact, just put a shitload into a black pot in his living room and have a rainbow lead him to it. I get it. He's amazing. If Obama's smart he'll make him his running mate. And, NO! I'm not a hater. I really do think he deserves every single accolade and I'm sure he's a stand-up kid. I don't even think that all this laud will eventually go to his head and turn him into a date rapist or an underground dog-fighting kingpin. I really don't. He's even inspired me to do laps in my pool. And miraculously I haven't drowned… yet…even after I swam right into one of those floating chlorine contraptions. (I must have been going in world record time cuz it really hurt.)

But come on, Phelps Phever is getting just a wee bit old. They should have at least put his doubtful wins towards the end of the games. Now he's slated to win the rest of these golds with no problem. Snoooozer. Last nights relay wasn't nail-biting at all (and if I'm not biting my nails, I'm probably biting into a pork chop which is negating all those laps I'm doing). There HAS to be other interesting stories and events going on in the games. I know waaaay too much about swimming and Michael Phelps. I mean, he should be good! With his height, his double-jointedness, his training since he was 11, I'm surprised he hasn't naturally grown gills. (btw, is it just me or is he two catfish whiskers away from looking like a bottom feeder?)

What about the inner city kid who realized after a driveby that he's really talented and now has a chance to win the Men's 25m Pistol Shooting in this years Olympics? What about the soccer team who all got such a bad case of athlete's foot that they all learned that odd Olympic sport of Handball and are now in medal contention? I'm not asking for Special Olympic-type tear-jerker stories, just some other stories other than Phelp's ritual preswim arm flap and how his mom is his big inspiration (despite her weird blouses). Did you know that backhand smashes in badminton can reach 125mph? There just has to be some crazy welts, injuries, feats of athleticism, come-from-behind stories outside of the awe inspiring WATER CUBE (which by the way, I'm hoping they turn into a winter sports arena and change it's name to the ICE CUBE).

Or, if all cameras are going to be pointed in THE CUBE can they make it a little more interesting? Can they make that moving "world record line" an actual laser beam? Can they have synchronized swimmers do a little choreographed underwater ballet at the far end of the pool while world records are being smashed? Can they pour quick-setting cement into the pool so that whoever doesn't finish the race in time will be stuck and humiliated until the chisels come out? It's the 2008 olympics guys! I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger's "The Running Man". That's what I'm expecting now… but underwater!

Don't worry, I'm not even going to gripe about all the Gymnastics that are being telecast. The competition is much closer in that arena. Plus, I can't complain when barely pubescent girls are catching 4 inch balance beams with their kooch (sorry guys, these girls are gonna be hard to impress). Though I would love it if all the Gymnastic men would all get together and half would do backflips while the other half would sing a round of "We are the lollipop kids"! I think even Russia and Georgia would put their bombs down for a second for that one.

Look NBC, if you're gonna preempt my regular shows with the best athletes in the world for a couple of weeks, please give a little more airtime to the other 98% of athletes competing. Or at the least, show more interviews between Bob Costas and Bella Karolyi or Bob Costas and George W. or ALL THREE! They're hilarious.

Keep these games colorful and exciting and prevent them from turning into the BEIGE-ing Olympics.

Screw the laps, where's my porkchop.

Jonesing

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 03:03:06 GMT

because i've been catching up with the interweb and i don't know where the remote is, i just realized that i watched the blockbuster hit: BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY... in its entirety.

simultaneous with the realization my left testicle shriveled up

okay, i admit it. some parts made me laugh.

okay okay i admit it. i had the remote the whole time.

is there a Bridget Jones's Diary 2?
oh wait, i'm gonna need that other testicle

Anthony Bourdain

Wed, 21 May 2008 04:37:08 GMT

Anthony Bourdain is everywhere these days. i know i should like him cuz we have similar tastes and i admire his casual literariness. but i don't like him. he's too much like a culinary henry darger...who sold out.

do i sound jealous?

list-less

Sat, 10 May 2008 02:07:12 GMT

i went to shoprite earlier this evening. supermarkets are what separates us from animals and i like to remind myself of that as often as possible; at times, with money saving coupons.

i brought with me a shopping list because i enjoy making lists, and more significantly, i'm quite forgetful. so much so that i usually forget to bring the list. but tonight i pulled it together and put the list in my pocket.

i got my first item and mentally checked-off "papaya" off my list. okay, enough fresh fruits and vegetables. where's the grade-A carcassi? as i passed the lean meat section (cuz that's for health-nuts and failed vegetarians) i realized i had lost my list! after one item, i lost my list! shit!

i headed back towards the produce section, hoping against hope that i would find my little list and save myself from a headache brought on by trying to remember things like hot-pockets and ex-lax. as i turned passed the lemons i saw some dude who looked like he just came from the gym stand up from a bent over position. he was reading my list!!

He then looked around to see if he could find its author. By the time he looked my way i had my hand out to confirm ownership. Handing it to me, he gave me this half-just-doin'-my-civic-duty look, half-inquisitive look. And as i took it back and thanked him, i knew exactly why the latter half-look was warranted.

i smirked and shrugged ever-so-slightly as to say, "yes, i know i wrote 'pork rinds' twice on the list. i'm filipino. it's important. you eat protein bars, you wouldn't understand".

he replied back with a confused look as to say, "weirdo".

mmm, these pork rinds are delicious!

my exciting friday night...

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 04:05:48 GMT

...i wish i weren't being sarcastic.

actually, y'know me, i need some alone time with my television and we've missed each other all week (except for frat boy Deal or No deal...why?!?!). and the next few days are gonna be busy so, "Comcast, take me away!"

I just made tater tots to celebrate and i don't want to just eat them with ketchup. i want to use the gourmet gorgonzola dressing i bought. thing is, it's a couple of months old. how can you tell when gorgonzola's gone bad?... if you don't hear from me in a few days, kindly send the paramedics with a stomach pump.

speaking of dressing, does anyone want to go with me to DALLAS BBQ? i've been hankering for some mediocre bbq; but more importantly, i really want to ask a waiter there if their house salad comes with Polygamist Ranch.

oh what am i celebrating you ask? i found a jar of salsa deep in the depths of the pantry AND i happen to have just opened a bag of tostitos the other day! that's cause for celebration, right?

also, i bought a party belt today.
well, i'm declaring it a party belt. although, originally i think it was intended to be an emo rock belt. Definitely, not intended to be a work belt.
But i'll probably wear it to work.

it's practically expected that i wear something weird to work at least once a week.

sometimes, after i am told by a coworker that what i am wearing "clashes" or is "weird" or "it looks good on YOU, jordi", i think to myself... at least i'm not offending anyone.
or am i?
subsequently, i usually wear that outfit more often.

btw, learn from my mistakes: i was eating a chocolate bar earlier and some chocolate crumbs crumbled into my palm. so i licked my palm to get all the little chocolaty goodness. apparantly, that will cause your hand to look like you just changed a messy, messy diaper.

shit, how do you remove chocolate from your keyboard...

no deal! dude!!

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 00:30:41 GMT

It's Spring Break '08 on Deal or No Deal. They brought in a hot tub, brought in some sand, beach balls and filled the studio with sigma chi frat brothers.

Dude, it's a damn good thing, the debates are NOT on at the same time. There's absolutely no better way to spend an hour than watching co-eds arbitrarily pick numbers between chest bumps and fist pounds. (incidentally, O.C.D. sufferer Howie Mandel must be relieved that he doesn't have to shake any hands tonight).

Wait, why do the Deal or No Deal girls' smiles look like they're masking some horror? Don't worry ladies, it's Deal or No Deal, not Date Rape or No Date Rape!

Anyway, i'm rooting for these bros.

A million dollars can buy a loooooot of ruffies.

Television, you've done it again.

wasteful!

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 19:13:08 GMT

argh! i hate when people UPS me a couple of forms and use a UPS box to send it in. Honestly, you don’t have to be a tree hugger to know that’s environmentally irresponsible.

a big thumbs down! a tree should fall on these people. (but then a replacement tree should be planted in its place).

In a few years we’ll have to revert to using corn on the cob for toilet paper. Save for some of my kinkier acquaintances, i don’t think we want this anywhere near our bums:

ouch.